Guilt
by KrystalClear
Summary: Have you ever lost someone you loved so dearly? How do you recover from hurt? And how long is it until your conscious allows your heart to love again? Read and Review! A try at... serious romance. ^^


She closed her eyes as his lips gently caressed her neck, keeping her uncontrollable tears at bay. Why did he have to be like this when he was going away?  
  
It's only three weeks, Aeris. I'll be back.  
  
She felt his fingertip brush her tears away, and opened her eyes to gaze into his beautiful brown eyes, letting herself melt into his gaze.  
  
Zack felt sick while holding her. The train would come in less than twenty- four hours. To separate him and his angel for three weeks. But he knew that it might… most likely would be, longer.  
  
He had a ring in his pocket.  
  
He would propose when he got back… not now, not when his future was such an uncertainty… the mission to Nibelheim, with Sephiroth… into the place where the infamous Jenova project was held…  
  
Aeris had no idea.  
  
And he would keep it that way… he could not bare to see her distressed… and although he had tried his best to keep the tension from his voice, she had sensed it – like she always did.  
  
He gently pushed her against the wall, capturing her lips with his, rather forcefully… His desperation was edged in every motion of his body.  
  
Aeris let the tears flow, something inside her screaming that this was wrong. Zack, don't go… But she couldn't get the words out of her mouth, knowing full well that this was a needed step to achieve his dreams.  
  
She recalled the first time he kissed her… under the moonlight. How his eyes shone while his lips gently descended upon her own… And how …good… it felt, to feel him hold her, his hands on her face, to hear his words "I love you."  
  
And to know he meant it…  
  
She broke off the kiss to recover her breath, their rapid breathing mingling in the cold chill, their bodies pressed together… unaware of the intimacy they shared, so oblivious to the need they had of each other… but acutely conscious of the sense of impending doom that crushed this "brief" separation.  
  
Zack's hold on her became stronger, getting caught in the web of passion. His lips and hands wandered all over her, letting the low moans escape his lips. Her knees buckled and he caught her fall, trying to control the desire that ran through his body… because he truly loved her… more than he could ever love himself.  
  
Instead of going further, he just crushed her into his chest, letting the wave of emotions overwhelm him.  
  
"I love you…"  
  
  
  
He looked around the serene place, every inch of it screaming her name. His lips curled into a suppressed smile as he noted a brand new patch of flowers in the place where he suggested it.  
  
…How it clashed with the sleek metal of the object he held in his hand.  
  
Letting his eyes soften, he bent down to see the blue patch that was arranged to spell his name: Tseng.  
  
He almost laughed at this childish attempt.  
  
But he didn't… For this was the very thing that he could not hold her, touch her, kiss her… These things were what reminded him that he… should not… be with her, no matter how his heart screamed out to her.  
  
He controlled the slight trembling of his hands… as he remembered where Aeris would be right now.  
  
With Zack.  
  
The first time he ever spotted her, their foreheads were touching, both of their eyes shut. She was leaning against him, both of them taking rapid intakes of air… until Tseng opened the door of the room Zack and himself shared, that is.  
  
They had pulled apart, with Zack grinning broadly and her blushing furiously.  
  
He had been dumbfounded at the fact that the object of Zack's "infatuation", as Tseng referred to it, had been her… And he instinctively knew that Zack's fling would eventually turn into something more serious.  
  
It was impossible not to love her.  
  
… Even though it was his first time seeing her, he had felt an unfamiliar sting in his heart that made him stay up at night, tracing the curve of her smile from his memory, suppressing the admission to himself because of sheer guilt.  
  
Zack and Aeris were already together… and he suited her better… Aeris, with her pink bow and flowers, could not be with a stoic killer who worked under the shadows of the night.  
  
It was the one thing that made him regret being a Turk… a good one at that. He had no doubt that he could kill anyone if need be.  
  
Except her, of course.  
  
And – and this fact also cast another shadow at her ever knowing how he felt – he knew he couldn't kill Zack either.  
  
  
  
"You know I love you…"  
  
"Zack…"  
  
"Gimme a kiss?"  
  
She smiled the best she could and leaned closer to the ebony-haired man. She stared at his warm brown eyes that softened only for her, until he closed them and pressed his lips to hers.  
  
… Aeris…  
  
With a loud shriek, the train pulled in, making the blissful moment stop. However Zack held her head against his chest, and buried his face in her hair, begging the unrelenting continuum to slow down for just a moment.  
  
  
  
Tseng, standing beside the suitcases, silently eyed the pair, trying to keep the fire out of his eyes.  
  
Hell, he was good at that.  
  
He watched silently, to the very whisper she said of Zack's name. He saw Zack's eyes become filled with utter fear of losing her, a brief glimpse obvious to anyone who was perceptive enough to convince them that he loved her. He watched the lovers' lips meet, both blissfully closing their eyes, Zack's arms tightening around her body while she succumbed completely to the sensation.  
  
God Dammit.  
  
He noticed the train pulling in, and that Zack had buried her head into his chest, clinging to her, conveying what he couldn't emphasize enough in words through his touch.  
  
… Again, God Dammit.  
  
When he pulled back, Tseng noticed that Aeris's eyes were pooling with tears, as much as she tried to contain them. Through it all, though, she smiled… the most exquisite gift she could offer him… the light in her eyes that warmed his heart… or, better yet, 'their' hearts.  
  
  
  
"Good bye, Aeris."  
  
Tseng said, while boarding the train with his best friend.  
  
"See you soon." Aeris whispered.  
  
"Three weeks," Zack said, flashing her his trademark grin… the best he could.  
  
… What a twist of fate.  
  
Three weeks…  
  
  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
First of all…  
  
*giggle* !!!  
  
Those of you who read the Chapter 4 of my "Tainted" should know I referred to a certain style in my Author's Note. Yup, this is it. See how concise it is? (… is it?)  
  
This fic is my break (as in a vacation). My experimentation. The revenge at all the romance scenes I wanted to write but couldn't, because it wasn't time yet. It's time to unwind, it's easy to write. It's gonna flow not so drollingly slowly. It's… going to be easy-going, not so painful to write. My break, meaning a breather in this complicated web I'm tangled in. Oh, yeah, and a lot more action. (Kissing already!! Something that will take me forever to do in the other one…) In this fic I'm gonna try to find a way to convey the thoughts I used to say in a paragraph into a sentence. I'm gonna violate the rules I follow in my other fanfics. I'm gonna use the word "love" a lot. (Something I don't do unless I am trying to define it) …Yup.  
  
…You know what I mean? (not sure if she wrote it so that pplz other than herself could understand.)  
  
Not that I don't like "Tainted". (In fact, I love it!!) I'll be keeping up with it. Thanks for all the support you offered me. You guys really inspire me!! Thanks a lot guys!!  
  
It's just that, in "Tainted"… it's really hard to write. … How can I possibly make Seph melt? *sob!!*  
  
… So, guys, review please! I respect and appreciate and love and treasure all your opinions!! ^^  
  
ps. I was pissed at some fics out there that bash Aeris. This is kind of my revenge, in an assertive way. Yay for me. ^^ 


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